The past few weeks have been rough on me. There’s no single reason – in fact, sometimes I wonder if there’s a reason at all. Instead, it’s been a blur of anger and resentment and hopelessness and sadness that shouldn’t exist. Caring about my appearance seems impossible most days – for the first time in a long time, I’m back to pulling on the first pair of jeans and hoodie that I grab. Food has taken a back-seat. (After months of delays, I finally received my psychological assessment, but there is nothing I did not know. It was the feeling of receiving a report card: reading things that people say about you, something I haven’t felt since elementary school.)
Summer is coming to an end. This has been my first summer vacation in a very, very long time. It’s August, and I still don’t have my driver’s license, I still feel extremely unprepared for my GREs, I haven’t finished my applications for graduate school (I still haven’t decided which ones I’m applying to), and I still can’t read hangul.
I have picked up knitting again, and I have learned to crochet.
I have been to Princeton and New York City and Columbus and Cleveland.
I’ve started fencing!
I’ve started yoga!
My five minute jogs have become fifteen minute jogs – even if they’re interspersed with many two minute breaks.
I haven’t done much of what I wanted to do, but I don’t think the things that I have done are necessarily worse. I like crocheting. I like fencing. Columbus was unexpectedly fun. At the USA Fencing Nationals, I bought a sweater that read Keep Calm and Parry On. For someone who closes her eyes both when defending and attacking… well, it’s tough, but hey, just gotta keep on, right?
Since a vote between Burger King and chinese food had the unanimous result of BK, I’ll be off to get food now.